• I’m discontent with the mundane layout.  I know next to nothing about site building, but this one is not too appealing to the eye.  I need something with more…. POW.
• I am keeping it it pure rough draft form, but I seem like an idiot with spelling errors and complete mistakes (I used disenfranchisement when I meant disillusionment— what’s the excuse for that?)  As such… sloppy editing = sloppy site.
• Ah.  What’s keeping this exciting for me?  I want something more….. I don’t know.  I’m going to look into it.
• I’m passing on the title and milk themes.  In a matter of months, I realize there’s no maturity in it, and I am just not a fan right now.  Who cares about who I am anyways? 

There are rejuvinations in the mix.  I’m looking for something fresh. 

Will be back.  sooner or later, here or there. 

it’s fast and quick and with links like a wiki but man, it is packed with content and thoughtful thinkers’ thoughts and it better make you think, which is always always good.

that is all.

i’m not sure yet.  i’m going to learn.  but what is interesting about a silent stranger? 

tell me something interesting about yourself.

tell me something you don’t like about yourself.

tell me something.

anything?

i just don’t see how you can conduct an interview without forcing it…. it’s driven by some force, most likely, a controlled, pre-drafted force, no?

just thoughts.

it has lost its luster,

and alas,

it’s mass          appeal.  we are technologically compulsive versions of ourselves from a decade

or so

ago, where now we’d rather be a music pirate than a hippy quiet on the gritty little hippy front.  we’d rather be ______.

someone please

tell a girl like me what it once was like to be a supersexyhippyinthesixties.

granted i know you were not taken seriously persay way back when but it’s still all the same again today

-we can’t help but think you’re as smelly as you look hairy, crazy-eyed, intriguing ol’ hippy-

but we need one of you some of you all of you to step the fuck up again and give us something to think about.  love and peace have not retired, but their suited and booted now, washed out, typed up, 9 to 5ing their pureness away.   please remind us what we are missing.

please bring back the hippy front.

this is war.

and it has two sides, simply put, with even further cleavages dividing both sides into spider-webs of complications, bruised histories, lost lives, tainted bumpy shitty futures. 

one side, the american side, has a measurable means of calculating citizens’ increasing disenfranchisement with this war.  polls.  surveys.  approval ratings.  numbers, numbers, numbers.  after having haphazardly established a foundation of fear and anxiety, ethnocentrism and a pinch of revenge, americans were gung-ho for a war with iraq.  the voices crying out for peace, for reconsideration, for anything but war in the perpetual anti-war movements cried not loud enough, drowned out by selective media, the fourth estate in this case; “evidentiary support” in the form of palgerized undergrad papers; and misuse of captive headline slots on articles poorly checked and pro-war-charged.  numbers numbers.

numbers numbers numbers.  oh how boring this war has become to some americas.  how sad, how stupid, how loooong.  is it still going? why are we still there? more people are dying?  more money is being devoured by the beast that is this war on terror? more political elites are retiring after lies and truths alike are surfacing?  ah.  more, more numbers, numbers.  it’s not even funny how wasteful it is. 

one side, the iraqi side, lacked these polls.  noone asked them how they felt about ____.  this was a country already bruised and battered, particularly under the reign of sadam hussein.  of course it was an awful, awful, awful time during his republic of fear.  but (1) did it warrant a war, a war founded not on behalf of the iraqi people so much as the americans who had the audacity to think they were the greatest potential target of sadam’s wrath?, and (2) was said war the ideal solution for such a bruised and battered country and its people?  really, war?  war would bring peace?  now that is always an audacious assumption to me.  show me where a gun produces peace.  a bomb brings development.  a causualty brings gratitude, brings thankfulness, brings an optimistic future.  don’t talk to me about good guys and bad guys.  good guys do not go to war.  good guys are the perceived bad guys soldiers fear in the street.  good guys are fathers and sons, made casualties in a war that is beyond all of them.  accidents happen in war that are bigger in scope than what an “accident” is.  2/5 people displaced isn’t an accident.  an estimated million dead iraqis isn’t an accident.  every iraqi it is estimated knows a fellow iraqi who has been killed since 2003.  that is a lot of casulty.  a lot of hurt.  a lot of anger at a war that never should have been. 

violence begets violence.  as we’ve seen, and as we continue to see.  don’t point guns at people and tell them to be calm.  to democratize “or we’ll shoot.”  to act like you.  you. you point guns at strangers, and don’t even speak the language, know their culture, or agree with why you are pointing your guns in the first place.  best they not be like you.

in iraq, disenfranchisement comes in the form of diverse mediums.  coversations in the streets among men captured by journalists and documentary cameras dropping in.  young young girls’ diaries.  diaries that began writing in shaky, fearful tones of the bombs and the tanks and the unknown, now jaded, or at least, calloused to the hell which sorrounds.  there are jokes made now about the sorry state iraqis are in.  by iraqis.  why cry anymore? they can be heard asking.  after having cried so long, there comes a point where only laughter remains.  not a product of insanity, but of disenfranchisement.  of realization of how bad and stupid things are for them.  how bad and stupid the americans who put them in these positions are.  we known who. 

both sides are equally hurting.  among americans, disproprotionate sectors of the population are affected.  the poor extremely more so than the affluent.  it’s sickening and maddening who has to fight a fight waged by political elite…. and not reap the benefits of a job well done, nor even receive adequate benefits for a limb lost, a life lost, or a life now enshrouded in sleepless nights, survivor’s guilt, ptsd, and awful, awful memories.  it is sad that inequality persists in so many blatantly institutional ways in the u.s of a. 

but among iraqis, show me discrimination in the impact of the war.  why, the traditionally dressed rather than the western dressed citizens probably recieved harsher treatment from the western soldiers.  rich and poor alike were forced from their homes.  rich forced from their homes..  such is unimaginable in america.  it would be outrageous.  people would do something about that.

all iraqis hurt from this war.  the ghosts and the survivors all feel its impact.  not all americans do. 

that’s just my stream of conciousness for the time being.  it’s not pro-iraq, anti-american, or anything of that nature.  it is anti-aggressor and anti-war.  i think there should be a more effortful attempt to ethnograpically capture iraqis thoughts, feelings, and experiences with this war.  give them polls even.    

on the dashboard, i see a lot of the other “blogs” out there. 

first off, i hate the word “blog” . “blogosphere” . yuck .  “blog-roll” isn’t as bad. 

anyways, for whoever is reading (all 3 of you with reeled in by this snazzy title), i just want to declare, for me more than you:

my “blog” is not a blog. 

i will not regurgitate current events.  i will not tell the same story as everyone else.  add my two cents to the same, tired headline making waves. 

i dont care

i dont care

i dont care.

if we all begin talking human rights (milk #9= this i care about) then most def i will chime in.  or if there is some blatant, biting sexist or racist issue noone has pointed out yet (though i highly doubt then) then i may point something out, if only for my own reassurance that i’ve acknowledged the wrongdoing mass disseminated.  if you’ve missed something critical, maybe.

but it’s unlikely because…. becuase i don’t care.

i don’t want to be a blog.  to be one among a 1,000 similar stories and beats.  i don’t really care about political scandal.  nor celebrity scandal.  scandal of any sort doesn’t really excite me— it seems a very low, low form of human entertainment; to be so intrigued by such wrong doing, such embarrassment.  Scandal isn’t plight.  plight is plight.  be outraged by the conditions your fellow human beings are living in elsewhere.  be outraged by violence, by torture, by rape, by poverty, by our inability to make the world a better place. 

i don’t want to be a blog.  i don’t want to be like you, to write like you, to think like you.  i want to chronical my own meaningless thoughts as people do in their journals, hopefully touch on issues of greater importance, and also enjoy and share small little pleasures in life, like music and “art”  (what’s a worse word, “Art” or “blog” ??)  But you won’t catch me linking to a newsstory, like everyone else, commenting on it unoriginally.  i have a brain.  and i can read the news.  watch it.  look elsewhere for it, for dissenting opinion.  but it won’t be in your blog. 

do something original.

end rant.

anyways-

this is mindless rambling.  i swear one day i will get back to tight, purposeful prose.  right.  well, i have read a few short stories lately, though none too memorable.  i haven’t found a good database for stories online.  nope. 

i’m dying to take a road trip.  somewhere anywhere.  big one. little one.  it’s more expensive to drive now than it is to fly: no exaggeration.  isn’t that luda?  wait- i will promptly return to the issue of sustainability.

i thought it would be interesting if [patent] there was a website where people could post email exchanges with strangers— they could all be categorized in strange ways, and it would just be this network of strangers baring their thoughts and dirty little secrets or straight up lying to one another— it would be quirky and funky and likely, emotionally relevant.   i wonder how one would initiate such a project.  i wonder how many people out there are emailing/communicating with strangers.  people they do not know in their “real lives” for any reason, but merely communicate with for some… some outlet or excitement.  and then, i wonder how many of these strangers blow it and try to integrate one another into their real lives—- why, that’s just filling the hole right back up with dirt.  world: keep things interesting.  leave some things mysterious.  don’t be giving away your cows.

other thoughts.  i’ve shared some random musical tidbits.  i have decided with assurance that in a few week’s time i will become more involved in a local music venue, if only for my own education and experience of immersing into something wacky and foreign.  everything can be so pretentious sometimes, no?  so at least humble yourself in some way that might do you some good even if it serves no purpose.

google is in talks to add a “bike there” feature on google maps.  neato.  i have this foreboding sense that sustainability will become the new anti-war movement: important, humane, yet not taken seriously due to the advocates’ intensity and seeming stupidity.  no offense, this is a sampling bias on my part since i obviously know not all sustainability advocates, i just think……….. i think there are some less hypocritical, more feasible, less ridiculous actions they and “we” at large can be taking.  not to say anti-war activists are hypocrtical.   no no no.  but there are isolated instances that are captured, epitomized (SF peace protests anyone?) that really taint a movement and its whole people (actually, there is a lot of irony and hypocrisy in a violent riot at a peace protest).  But there is this idea that sponge tampons are more sustainable, because they would be reusable.

 please, think about that for a moment.

what’s more nuts, the reinsertion of a tampon multiple times (after rinsing of course) and the foreboding health and bacterial issues (i mean, are you serious this is a good idea for your body?), or the fact that the yuppies who’d use this new sustainable method would waste water rinsing out the tampons (trite point, i know)?  and really, of all the ways to lessen impact: tampons?  can we get any smaller?  please start thinking more practically, and healthfully.  i mean, [this is about to become graphic, mind your tummy and brain] a dog will eat a bloody tampon, which will then pass through its body, “fertilize” the earth.  Ah- the whole thing is so stupid.  disregard.  moving on.  ^whoa i can’t believe i wrote that nasty, pointless tidbit.

just a thought, just a thought. 

anyway, sustainability should really just come out and say this: stop procreating for a bit.  I mean, it’s the size of the population that’s the problem— how much, how fast, how wastefully we consume and burn.  and let’s be honest: no company is going to take the heat for sustainbility issues, and suddenly change its ways (at least not without having first unsustainibly wasted efforts to find more sustainable ways to conduct their business: research = energy).  nothing will really want to change, save for the idiots thinking sponge tampons, “better for the enviroment” will save the planet.  just stop having kids, right?  that would sure as hell lessen our impact, you pompous motherfuckers.  but nobody would dare to say “have less kids” because oh- the uproar that would ensue.  it’s much more reasonable to ask people to use one piece of tp, or reuse tampons.

actually— i just found these article discussing the issue:
Having Large Families is an ‘Eco-Crime”
Why Eco-Activists Still Have Children
Global Swarming: Is it Time for Americans to start Cutting our Baby Emissions?

these go on and on. good, i don’t feel quite as misogynistic now.

that sounds so extreme, does it not?  i don’t know where my pent up hostility is really coming from.  well- its coming from the fact that we caused a problem.  and the people who can and should fix it—– the big time polluters, corps and mncs and factories—- they don’t really give a shit.  and it does make me angry.

chromakey bars.  chromakey bars.

im done for the time being.  this rant has to end because it is negative and serves no purpose. 

on a positive note——- life is beautiful, especially when not drowned out by the background noise of such ranting and raving.  slowly riding a bike, feeling the breeze, (no ipod!) just nature.  try it.  that certainly would be sustainable, and would do you and your body zero harm. 

peace.

and so it is:

daft punk “make love”

duffy “syrup and honey”

menomena “wet and rusting” (the loaf a deli tea version is entrancing) 

state radio “camillo” (i’ve been preoc’d by an anti-war sentiment lately)

radiohead “weird fishes”

dil se “chaiyya chaiyya”

M.I.A “The Turn”

Ratatat “Loud Pipes”

Zion I “Finger Paint”

DJ Shadow “everything! –> six days remix, building steam with a grain of salt, organ donor”

Beastie Boys “Intergalactica”

Greenskeeper “Lotion”

Bittersweet “Dirty Laundry”

guilty pleasure: I also can’t help but like the Travis Barker remixes to shitty hip-hop songs.   

and i’m done for now.  no embedding at this point.  yawn, too tired.